Sunday, April 23, 2006

Hopes and Dreams

The chalet gathering made me realized one thing dearly. That is the carefree days of the past are over. Now it's time to enter into next step of life, adulthood. As I listened in to my classmates discussing about their future plans, I felt somewhat lost in my own thoughts because I have no clue at all. There they are already having an idea what they intend to do and yet I am seriously still undecided. It's just like standing in the middle of a crossroad junction and not knowing which route to take next.

The typical Singaporean education route would be to make it to a university at least. But of course not everyone is like the brilliant top student who is already guranteed a place in any of the top two local unis. I think that going to a uni doesn't necessary mean that one would be successful or earn big bucks in the future but unfortunately this is Singapore, where paper qualifications are highly looked upon. So well, life's like that, people will continue to judge you on a piece of paper like it or not. For the others like us, it's either to enter the army, the workforce or to continue to do private studies. But what next after the two years?

Honestly, I didn't forsee myself in this situation now. What I had thought I would be achieving when I was younger is totally different from what had happened now. Yes, I might had graduated with an expensive piece of toilet paper called the diploma but so did many other people and perhaps they actually had passion and enjoyed what they had learnt or studied, which is what I didn't possess. This might sound laughable but I had actually had ambitions of making it to a JC back then. Maybe it's because I believed too much into a few of my teachers and friends. They kept saying I could make it and it just gave me some false hope that I could really made it despite being just good in a few subjects and what a joke I turned out to be in the end. Sometimes it's better not to believe the hype and the half lies.

I thought hard about what my friend said to me while I was watching him barbecuing the chicken wings. He was more worried about what the future holds for him than anything else. To him, getting a decent job is more important than getting into a relationship. That is pretty true also come to think of it. I worry about that a lot too. I am the eldest in the family and my parents are not getting any younger. Surely, I can't depend on them forever and leech off them when I am 30 right? Even thought they had said many times that they would live with themselves and not bother us when they grow old, I know they are just saying that to test me. There is no way I would abandon my parents when they grow old and sick. After all, it was them who bought me into this world and provided for me. They would be a burden but there's no escaping the fact that it's part of the responsiblity of a child to take care of your parents. I am always afraid I might not be good enough for them in the future.

I had already made a mistake 3 years ago so I should not repeat the same mistake this time. I am going to think hard about the next step in my life.

Friday, April 14, 2006

Life is one sweet irony

Good Friday, Bad Friday. I should had been working but then I took leave for the chalet thingy a few days ago but then last minute it got switched to next week. Bleh. I messaged my manager to explain that I could cancel my leave and work on Friday as scheduled if he wanted me to and to also ask for leave next week. He didn't replied. I am thinking I had sort of lost the trust he had in me. Hope I don't get ^#@&@^#& when I see him tomorrow at work.

Speaking of trust, my friend must be wondering what the hell is going on also. Few days ago he asked if it's possible this Friday organize a kickabout. I told him it wasn't possible as I will be working that day which of course isn't the case now. Well every week, I am the organizer and the one that brings the ball. So if I fell sick or wasn't free, the whole thing is cancelled. Since I am free today, I sent messages to my kakis yesterday that we would be playing today anyway. I think he must be a little suprised when he got that message.

While we were waiting for our turn to play, I told my football kakis(ALL of them serving NS now) that I would be enlisted on the eve of World Cup. Their immediate reaction was to laugh at me. I had always followed the World Cup since US 94 so I
thought it is very ironic that I would miss nearly all of the tournament this time. This fact is just hard to swallow but really, I can only blame myself for not passing my NAPFA. One of them told me he also had to miss Euro 2004 tournament also when they were enlisted that time.

A few of them, awaiting to go into NUS/NTU coming this August just mocked at me by shouting ORD LOR! Lucky bastards are going to get out soon enough and I still haven't go in and the worst thing is I am older than them. Sheesh. But their mocking I can take because I also mocked at them by flashing my pink IC in their face last time. Haha. They said my batch is very fortunate because they had to serve 2.5 years. I guess so, 1/2 more year of time wasting would had felt worst. I think we didn't even played much and then the skies just opened up and cried. God, I absolutely hate it when it rains cats and dogs. Especially when we were just starting to have fun. Today's session was over just like that. :(

The World Cup, well I am not really that interested in watching the group matches anyway. I just hope if I do get to book out on the weekends, I might be able to catch a few matches. Thus, I went to find out the schedule to see which matches falls on the weekends...

24 June Sat Round of 16

1 July Sat Quarter Finals

8 July Sat 3rd placing match

Oh crap, I guess really no chance to watch the final then... :(

Saturday, April 08, 2006

What I dislike most about work... I have to force myself awake by 6am if I am assigned on the opening shift. Suddenly, it is back to the days of primary school all over again. I used to live at the eastern side of the island and had to wake up at an unearthly 5.30am every damn morning to catch two buses to my school in Toa Payoh. Sometimes I am like the first student to reach the school and it was a little errie to say the least. That went on for about 3 years until I moved to Kim Keat.

The work schedule is very flexible. Initally, I thought they put me on full time but actually I realized I am just one of their many part timers. I work like 4 or 5 days and different hours each time. Sometimes 6 hours and the most was 10 hours at a go, which was a little crazy. I have problems sleeping early for morning shift because all along after the internship, I usually sleep late and woke up late every day. You can pretty much say I am a nightowl type of person.

So, I still have this unhealthy habit despite having to work the morning shift, which just makes me pretty tired and grumpy when I reach the workplace. Because I just don't feel like talking much or have this expressionless look on my face, they probably think I am unfriendly or an introvert but the truth is I just feel tired inside and all I want to do is sleep but I cannot, thus my brain just stays in hiberation mode until the afternoon when I feel much less lathergic.

I think most of the people in my workplace are nice except for a few who I can feel sort of dislike me perhaps because I am new or I rarely talk much. The most asked question by my fellow colleagues(those around my age) was how old I was. I always tell them to make a guess. EVERYONE seems to think that I am around 17-19. I am not joking but not one got my age right. It is very flattering to know I still look childish young. How I wished I was really what they say I was.

Other than that, nothing really much to whine about. I am glad just to have a job to keep myself occupied until I am called up. Though some people might feel it is a little beneath them to serve food or clear the crap after the customers had left, to me it is not a problem as long as I enjoy myself and have fun. Nothing really matters much now anyway. Why should I make myself unhappy, angry or whatever when I have roughly only 2 months left to have fun? This turtle bookmark I saw in my cousin's house is a good reminder to me. Take it easy. Simple advice indeed but not everyone knows how to follow it.

Speaking about jobs, I think I had a deja vu feeling when I saw this upon checking the school email.

Sometime back, I went alone for an interview at their office for the printer job recommended by my classmate. In the end, it did not worked out. Neither did my other classmates who tried for it but now they are desperate for people again? I think since they state that they are willing to take in those who are awaiting enlistment, you guys who are hopelessly jobless (YES YOU WHO IS READING THIS!) should go down and give it a try. Time to wake up your idea and move your lazy butt and go for interviews. Anything is better than rotting aimlessly at home really.

Saturday, April 01, 2006

The dreaded letter is here

What an April Fool's Day indeed. After my friend told me that he received his enlistment letter this morning, my first reaction was to immediately go check the mailbox. I got excited for nothing as there isn't anything inside. This sounds stupid but I was jealous of him because my mentality is I rather get into this shit as early as possible and get done with it as quickly as possible. That means to get into the first June/July intake instead of the second September/October intake. So I was pleasantly relieved when I saw two colored letters from Mindef when I checked the mailbox in the evening again.

Finally, it has come. Thank god. When most of my secondary school friends/football kakis are about nearly 1 year into it or soon to ORD already. But here I am, still haven't serve it. I should had been with them but alas for the delay. I am overdue for this and I go in as an old bird. I had counted, 67 days to Tekong chalet. So hey it's time to enjoy, have fun, go crazy and spend whatever remaining civilian time I have to the fullest before my time is up.

*Tick Tock* *Tick Tock* The Countdown has begun.

The Author

About me

Who am I?
You can call me Jul

What I do?
Full Time Underpaid and Reluctant NSF/Part Time Weekend Footballer

What I think about me?
I don't know what to write here honestly. Kinda weird to describe myself. I don't want to sound full of myself or put myself down too much like I usually hey, if you think I am what you think I am, then I am really what you think I am then...I'm fine either way...

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